Dear Emma, just a Phew! lines...

Emma Grace, my daughter. I have been thinking of you a lot of late, more than usual, I do a bit. This is a private letter,personal stuff might get aired . Someone may stumble upon this and draw it to your attention. There will be other letters, This is probably the least favoured medium with which to relate. I will do my best to compose my messages that they retain some constancy over time. Intended meaning can be eroded by partiality. I will try not to be ambiguous. If you come away from reading, bewildered or confused, try again,it means you don't get the idea. It does not mean you CAN"T get the idea. I don't expect any return for the writing.I am not trying to exert anything but a benign influence.I am moved by love, mine.I don't crave adoration.Understanding perhaps. You are in the adult world, Twentyfive years of age. You have shopped around in the world of unlimited choice, I wonder if you are any closer to the ultimate one.Iz there One? I have a chance to be a happy working family man here. The prospects are wholesome with the promise of lasting good to come.The marriage of Ann-so and I formally signifies a union that has overcome much hardship and obstruction over eleven years. All of you,(the threesome ring), used me as the Bad Hat character in the secretive movie of your various lives. So I remain, I guess in the hearts and minds of many in your domain I am a Big Bad Boogey Man. I know it was often implied in excuse,as a cover for some evident strangeness in your family. In the little contact you and I have had,not hours in thirteenyears , over several encounters. You have insisted that you could "handle" yourself. I am sure you may need to "handle" yourself in the environment you chose to work. I live along way from clubland. I know so little of your life, to be expected , the deviant "don't tell Dad" policy of your exclusively threesome lives, needs to be exposed and challenged. Idea versus Idea. For the record Emma my mental health is robust. My memory is excellent.I shout If I need, but for the most part I'm heeded, my pennyworth is not rejected. The good lasts by our subscription,when we move the good goes with us. The pennyworths mount up to be quite a chunk of useful practical experience over years,I combine that with what is good that lasts of all that was past on to me in my youth. The passion reflected in my voice may still obscure the content. Iz this a Rant? It doesn't matter if you want to think so.Wotstroo duz me well. I don't seek approval, I do the unutterable that fools may one day learn to recognise as being an act of love. I'm not dwelling in the emotional morass of sensational self indulgence of the pleasure dome. My best work has always been done when there iz peace and tranquility at home. Why anyone should wish to deprive a working man of the chance to recover after ten years of sixteen hour days iz beyond me.I only did the work Emma, I didn't waste the money. That was done most expertly by the family that locked the working man out of hearts and out of home. The "don't tell Dad" scam couldn't hide that. Working things out from given truth is easier than trying to invent a plausable story that would cover a lie. We can only try and do right . That we do,and that we may remain uncompromised and uncompromising.We aren't selling soft soap, We are doing the do. I some times come across my favourite photo of you, taken in the meadow behind woods in Oxford. You are looking up at me , into the sunshine,eyes slightly braced against the glare of the light. You are holding your straw hat in your hands as an old fashioned man would, as though in respect at a funeral. I was taking you and Toby for a walk. I was left to hold the fort while your mother attended the hospital. She wasn't physically ill. I was not approving of what she did.The photo was taken as best as I could estimate at the time of her operation. Intentionally. Not to be dumped in the same category as the many photos I have seen of young people drinking and rolling joints at parties. I treasure the memory of that little walk. The photo marks a significant moment in all our lives, a turning point. The thin end of the wedge that destroyed the marriage. The imbalance that virally infected the family, an estranged, denatured and impractical personality, an insiduous dominant dog of a thing. was only noticed initially in the physical chemistry. Too late when the deviant psychology had mutated into a "threesome exclusive organism". A "three to one majority" against all natural and positive rights of the father.I am a natural man Emma . Remember the face of an unhappy, frustrated, and unloved man . Remember too the passionate voice of anger and disaproval when confronted by defiant cultivated corruption of my family.I think it is a good idea to air the down side of the so called feminist social revolution.In the confusion, the point of liberation seems to have been missed.There is a great difference between a good man and a user friendly male, between a good woman and a user friendly female.Have you discovered it yet? A father who truly knew the answer to that wouldn't have to ask.I feel cheated.Your mum didn't know either Emma, I asked her many times. What sort of qualities would you look for.Not the bi polar girlymag black and white tick box definition,Your own. Personality, character, morality and how would you define yourself Emma to your father? There is no doubting that the secretive reality allowed my former family to compromise itself. I could never be a user friendly male, Emma.I am still not always "nice", the same things can upset me now as throughout my whole life.. Being robbed isn't "nice",nor robbing.Being lied to and lied about isn't "nice". I have been robbed Emma, as you well know.The lies that have been woven around the localised mystery of the family breakdown.The malicious practice of emotional terrorism.Using love as a weapon against it's intended purpose. The manipulative game playing. Not nice shit when one is the victim,I think you'll agree. It is to be expected then that when your dad is forced to have other peoples' rubbed in his nose,he still is likely to confront the unnice stuff in a very unnice way,like for like. When love is sacrificed for points and prizes I feel no compunction to be nice. Naturally so. I believe your mother was misguided in leaving the "Bad Hat", roles parents have equally a duty to perform solely to me. I will write more about the mysteries surrounding your family history. Why should I not be open and honest . I will post your personal response if you have one, sadly conditional on you proving your identity.Reasons being many .

To St. Malo Ferry Terminal Port Police...

We arrived early, some fifteen minutes or so before our expected visitor was due to disembark. Preoccupied, excited in anticipation. Not on the look out for entertainment,I couldn't help but notice a tired looking young couple fumbling with each others buttons. Both parties being oblivious of anything but each other without consideration of the effect their display may have on the sensibilities of others. We were in a public place. The witnessed action was not what I regarded as discrete .
I made a comment , "I hope they don't start breeding." Within earshot of the couple, at which the young woman volunteered to ask me how I dared to say such a thing. Given that the subject matter of our mutual interest had been diverted to something more acceptable in a public forum I was happy to discuss how I, anyone in fact ought to be able to dare to speak without inhibition. The couple lost interest in the conversation ? their behaviour modified , perhaps their spirits somewhat dampened. I was content to pace around a while longer,unaware of the consequences my brief encounter may have had. My choice of words may have been more acceptable if I had suggested they got a room.
Without warning I found myself surrounded by five police persons one woman and four men. The sergeant of the group seemed a little agitated. He asked for I.D. I complied as politely as one may , in looking for my passport I exposed a flute which I habitually carry in my inside pocket. The sergeant asked me what it was. I told him , little satisfied he told me to take it out "Slowly". I took out the instrument explaining once more that it was a flute and proceeded to play a short bar of music , a mere three second burst of not unpleasant sound. The sergeant seemed incensed that I should play. I wasn't aware that there was any reason to be agressive or too serious.
The policeman engaged with Anne-Sophie making an issue of the fact that I am English. Intimating that I could be sent back to Britain. Anne-Sophie an articulate woman informed the sergeant that I was her husband and a permanent resident of France. That I was acting within my constitutional rights. Taking issue with the sergeant assuming wrongly that I had commited any offence at all. whether I was native to France or a foreign national I was acting within my rights. No right at all for the police sergeant , a man of some North African lineage,if I am not mistakened to suggest , imply at least that I would be sent back to the place from whence I came. In retrospect I hope the irony doesn't escape him. A hollow threat with no right in law to implement. The sergeant made a big play of not wanting to be delayed from going home to his family, as though my action was causing him the inconvenience. We asked all the police present what was the nature of the complaint and who if anyone had made it.
None of the officers knew what complaint had been and were unable even if they wanted to identify. Prepared to deport me against my rights as a citizen and against interntional law without legitimate cause to a country which for several years has not been my home, without charge and without trial??? The sergeant was making himself and his colleagues look foolish. The sergeant complained to Anne-Sophie that I had played my flute,(the three second burst) and that HE was a policeman. He did need to be told twice after request what the object was.
All but sergeant appeared to want a swift end to a minor but growing embarrasment. He then asked who was I waiting for, I told him, "My son."
Sergeant of port police then asked me if he was English. Not seeing the point , I volunteered that he is. "Good then we can send him back instead".
One wonders what problems the sergeant hoped to solve by his provocative posturing. I indicated to the policeman That for all his officious , none productive and ill conceived bluster it was I who was being tolerant. His colleagues were nearer by their manner to having views more closely in accord with mine. A point worthy of note is that in my passport there is no address. The only verification was Anne-Sophies verbal confirmation that I was telling the truth. She was not asked for identification. How could they know that she wasn't lying. There was no objective investigation of any complaint, neither civil nor criminal. The younger policemen behaved well enough, standing "at ease" in a state of readiness but still sociably responsive and rightfully non partisan. My passport was taken away by the policewoman to be photocopied and presumably for security checks to be made. The sergeant then made the "offer", that we should be taken into a backroom. and for formal charges to be drawn up. Still no indication of what if any offence had given cause for complaint. We declined the"offer" to be interviewed in private, prefering to have all procedure publicly transparent. We had up to this point been co-operative and civil. I did comment on the Sergeants grossly uneconomic use of resources was not justified by effective result. Five police personnel deployed without cause. overmanning to say the least , but a distraction from observing any real potential security risk. The sergeant was insistant that matters should be taken further (What matters?) blessed we were that the plain clothes policeman had the initiative to calm the sergeant and insisted that due proceedures had been followed ,no legitimate reason to escalate the incident. The police sergeant lends the lie that he wanted to get home early to his family. A spot security check in the full public view of the open lounge was acceptable, further action unwarranted , had we been coerced further, to the backroom, the police action would be considered an unlawful detention.
The police sergeant appeared to be motivated by personal prejudice alone. He presents the the port with an unacceptable risk. His attitudes were observed to be overtly xenophobic. the sergeant was attempting to incite acts against the Public Order, by insiduously implied threats citing immediate deportation and / or my visitor may be harassed, beyond the lawful authourity of his office. Given the passive circumstance the presence of five police officers may be considered a bullying threat. Grateful I am for my own objective self control. Grateful too for the presence of Madame Godden to bear witness. An international ferry terminal is hardly the best placement for a person of the sergeant's irrational xenophobic disposition. There are over 50 thousand families resident in northern France with legitimate interests on both sides of the channel, European citizens. Why should ones nationality be considered grounds for suspicion or targeted persecution. Would the sergeant consider it to be just if on the grounds of his own cultural origin to be subject to the same unmandated treatment. If the boot were on the other foot,sergeant, how comfortably would you stand?
A review is in order, an audit if you will, of the aproprietness of,and the effectiveness of police security procedures. Views implicitly expressed by the sergeant need to be addressed as an issue of some international concern. Not in the public interest to ignore. The integrity of the other officers is put at risk, the hard won good will enjoyed by the Police force is compromised.
Whilst hoping that a response would be civilly volunteered by the police sergeant, publicly or privately however as he may, I have no wish to go further with formal complaint. My open communication is by way of feedback, that some practical intelligence be gleaned that would in some way justify the otherwise extreme waste of public resources. I.Wazir.

Open letters revisited, accounting for past action...

Over the next few weeks I will be republishing a series of four letters to Dianne Godden.
I don't anticipate the effect they will have, there is however a great need.
My apologies for the ugliness. Some folk will enjoy I don't doubt, it is an intriguing mess for sure. My English is the genuine article, avoiding the Amerikon mutation. It is a subject that wont be learned from dumbed down "bad ass" movies. Work out for yourselves what they are about. There will be approximately one letter per week, interspersed with postings of a more joyous quality.

Accounting for past actions...

If you have legitimate grounds for any claim against me that you feel needs to be resolved I suggest you take legal advice and have the matter brought before a judge. We are all accountable in law. You appear to be driven by the same delusional obsessions that were a major contribution to our marriage breakdown. I will continue without apology. I may substantiate any allegations I will be making in a claim to the high court. I aim to bring no charge,that will remain within the gift of the presiding judge I guess. Little or nothing I could prove of my deeply felt suspicions of you, leading up to our separation, nor did I want, as long as I could maintain my naive trust. Your secretive deviancy prior to divorce was designed to keep me in the dark. It is in overview more than "just a domestic" family matter. Both "children" are adults. They can volunteer their own contact when and if they feel so inclined. I am not hiding . They both know where I live. I will send you a copy of my most recent email to Toby. It may help towards you getting a more complete picture. I have no wish to divide your familial loyalty, but I will oppose unpardonable intrusions into my personal and private life that serve the cause of your undue influence how I morally may, prepared to account in law without concealment . When Toby acted in agency to your unlawful action he was knowingly complicitous and in his majority. He was served with summary justice, the risk any adult must reasonably take. His part was provocative. I reported my own action to the relevant authorities. His "front line intelligence gathering" as he called it was not solely reserved for harmless game play or festival fun. He appeared to be exercising his own perverted exclusive familial delusion. There is no place in my life for that. He regrets his actions at least as much as I regret my part in consequence. What remains between us, time will tell. I do not coerce him to conform to my partisan view. I don't demand to be appeased or pleased. I wont however be played. He can come to terms or stay away. His peculiar condition Dianne is not of my cultivation nor nurture. it is a result of your own unnatural relationship, is my view, a visible symptom of the effect your congenitally flawed, dominant psychology has had over years. Healthy by any definition, it is not. Your deficiencies are provable civilly. I would be glad to allow a court to decide how matters are to be resolved. The paper trail that Toby speaks of in his email to you in March 2010 is documentary. A compensative effective remedy is long overdue. The intransigence of your part is provably historic your motives will be seen in the light of evidence that reaches long before the divorce. You have deliberately acted to deceive. It will prove to be self evident. What may be obvious to a learned judge may not be apparent nor in accord with your firmly entrenched view. If there is no effective remedy that is both equittable and lawful in or out of court with all moral duties and legal obligations properly discharged, I write fror the record, I will commit all of my saved and copied correspondence to the public domain.. "Letters sent and letters meant". This is not a threat to anyone it is merely my avowed undertaking. It would be well if all sides of the sad story were seen transparently. Discreetly or not. Rights need to be acknowledged. You have deliberately acted to obstruct mine unduly for many years. Much damage has been done, causation may be substantially proven in a civil court. You are strictly liable. Cope as you may. Deal with it.you are no further forward in your advantage than when you were actively engaged in committing acts of fraud against me or when you made misleading statements on affidavit, Fraudulent nondisclosure, no less. I have all of our solicitors' exchanges. C&G correspondence . Letters exchanged between Mr. Littlewood and between "Steve" at Barclays and myself. Statements on loan agreement that implicate Mr. Littlewood and yourself in a deliberate unlawful deception. I don't need to press charges thank heavens. The rightness of my claim is not based on proving criminallity. What is evident will support my civil claim well enough. Your intrusions into my medical confidentiality and privacy are on the record . Your actions were unwarranted. You have told many lies. Much harm done. Going to court is not to be about who is to blame. It is about what is right in accordance with the Law. I am prepared to do the needful in court if I cannot secure affordable representation. You may contest my claim,that is up to you. I need not fear being unable to articulate on my own behalf. Proving falsehood is easier now. Perhaps you are banking on your distractive reasoning aiding the evasion of accountability. New excuses will not serve to cover up old lies. Abstract divergence deliberately misses the point. What's real to you must be common to all. In context with the bigger picture.
I could add many more details,enough for now. I will be sending your threesome family a single letter jointly, "To family Allen-Godden" no less. What you do between you is your own affair. I will write about how it touches me. If I sent it to you I don't trust you would share it. So I will forward you all a copy, for discussion , or not , however you as a threesome entity wish to deal with it. At least the issues of the common subject would be open to all. Choose to ignore or notice, agree or not.. If there is no civilised response privately I will not be held responsible if you behave badly or don't respond at all.A discreet private matter in honourable agreement or the embarassment and inconvenience not to say added expense through a court review of matters now in contention. Discuss or not it is up to you. It is a family matter, that being what your estranged coven claim to be, a family that is. My moral familial interests are indivisible from theirs . The long term good over short term gain.
All three have at some point played for undue profit and prize, All at my singular expense. Much harm done and hurt caused. There will be no long term benefit to hanging on to past lies. Please read with a view to understanding and discuss. Don't be too quick to make witty repost. It wont cover up foolishness.
I will close for now with little hope of a positive reply. My next offering to the Allen-Godden family inclusively will most probably be by the initial medium of my Osmiroid 65. I will forward photograph attachments of the contents to each. I hope this finds you in good health. Yours sincerely Reinold.

Sad dad, Iz sane...Terrorist insurgency.

You can laugh,(perhaps),or mock,I have just reread Erin Pizzey's book,'The Emotional Terrorist'. Fair play to the woman,a great piece of work, my little chronicle doesn't seem so far fetched , in the context of her research,hers will certainly get publicity when mine gets finished.My record though historic is not an obsession with the past it is a philosophical overview.first one must establish the context, the many parts that make the whole,(don't go down the hole son),have to be seen with detachment.The projects that we have had to continually postpone,over years will get their chance to be realized, without the emotional disruption, eroding the domestic base.I don' trust the power playing games masters, I am a Man not a pawn to be manipulated by wannabee puppet masters.I do not live in the electronic void,nor in the deluded half light singular or collective, of relativist pipedreams.You have turned your coat so many times son ,I'm reminded of the reversable underpants.Not practical even as a theory.
The power play that your 'family' employed,in the mid nineties is the dominant influence in your personality.Role playing,and posturing although well practiced do not serve. Wearing a different hat does not make you a different person.
Cosmetic ritualised mannerisms,however fashionable do not initiate a person into another culture.One must protect against cultivated relativist insurgency undermining the security of the inner sanctum of our family lives.Being the excluded part ,the whipping boy,in your threesome family,I am well informed now as to the invasive nature of the beast.I don't mention your sister much do I Toby.Whether I address you or the other members of your strange family is immaterial as far as I'm concerned, a personality complex without, a hollow thing within, reflecting and projecting. Relating to the constancy of elemental nature in reality seems to have no place in your lives.Civilised code is not meant to be a pragmatic economic add on, camouflaging ulterior motives,and vested interest. The gamesmanship you practised at home in my absence , may have seemed stimulating in the short term but was not life supporting,relying on winners and losers. each participant shoving the prize in their own respective cake hole as soon as it was gained. cheating was regarded as fair play in your domain Toby, but is unsustainable and unsustaining in real life. Unsafe.
Gamesmanship must not be regarded as diplomacy Toby,the practice of the former in early life is inadequate to the needs of the greater world.Whether you are a pawn or a puppeteer,the code the rules by which you play or are played are limited to the context of your perception of the game.Flat earth models do not in truth transfer equitably to the real world, collateral damage,losers, the unwitting and unwilling participants in your unprincipled games disregarded as an irrelevance whilst you thought you were winning,are now beyond the epicentre of your destructive influence.Having at long last gained a stronghold, that offers security against the insideous nuisance that has obstructed progress towards what I feel is my principle destiny.I am bound to protect my interests,they being indivisibly one, all insurgency that has exercised undue influence,over years,whilst holding me in unfair disadvantage,displacing me from my rightful executive domain,must expect to be expelled and exposed for the damage they have done .Not to say the damage they may yet continue to do.
You introduced me to the story behind Erin Pizzey's book Toby, for that I will be ever grateful. What I have read of it is painfully accurate, is it bigger than the article I found on the internet? It didn't answer questions that occurred to me a long time ago, I didn't need the book to explain the condition,the assurance that someone else out there had also acknowledged that the condition exists was a relief.What happens to the personality,not to say the character of the children of the dominant "controller". It is observed that dependant on circumstance, the three of you played each other. For a while Bitch culture ruled, Your sister introduced some most malicious variables into an already complex equation.
The amoral/immoral,domestic environment, Irresponsible Freedom, allowed by the parental executive,is the root cause of your exclusive family's demise.
Your sister's indefensible performance in Brecon High School, was not something you both need feel proud of bragging about. I doubt she will ever transcend the bad habits cultivated during that period of her life, you took a perverse pride also in the part you played.Claiming the teachers were "scared" of you. I doubt that very much,even if your barrack room lawyering was expert in defence of your sister in principle, you aided and abetted her knowingly leading up to the final incident,you were neither passive nor moral.your self appeasing view of your part is merely a delusion of grandeur, a chance to strut your stuff whilst your sister took the blame. I am not wrong Toby. Where was the moral guidance of a big brother, in my absence, where was your mother's moral guidance and moderating influence,ever? The don't tell Dad, mutual compromise , had no moral mandate in the civilised world. In your sulky silence Toby you locked yourself into the role of the Great Deceiver, not so bloody great really was it Toby? You couldn't play the part of a domineering woman so for an easy life you played the part of a co operative ,submissive male. Not a liberated, egalitarian Man, by definition a totally different identity. Your mother may have led you to believe by conduct that you werent missing anything, how would she know, even after menopause is she qualified to know what goes into the making of a Good Man. I have inquired of her many times to define what a good man was, each time she failed, by any acceptable common definition. ABSENCE OF INTEGER, will be a worthy, informative chapter of my book Toby,I advise to write your view in honesty, It would serve no worthy sustainable moral purpose to fabricate and construct in denial. Get this straight son, I don't blame you. One doesn' blame the soldiers on the ground in an armed conflict as long as they obey the rules of engagement.
However one must not be naive about taking sides, I have been struggling for survival against the odds that I would,(your collective desired objective). You pressed the wrong buttons whilst you were here.I'll write more soon. Answer or not , as you please. Upsetting the vocal part of my disadvantaged life has given the three of you much delight. My insecurity,the fear of losing whatever was saveable of my family, my homelessness,brought about by your joint and several interference in my private life, even years after divorce.Doubts about my sanity Toby by manipulative unconscionable slanders and libels,undermining my safety
and neutralising every attempt ,through my disadvantage that I would be treated eqitably in law or by the community at large.
Breaching the security of the silent man,the one they call Reinold here, the man you people knew the least about, was a big mistake. Soon isn't now I'll have supper I send this part, but will add to it later. REINOLD

Tom sent me an email in response to my apeal for informaton about my most recent trip to swansea. people reveal much about themselves in writing in haste from 'The emotional hip'. He was far from detached,tried his best to relate in loyalty to at least your former friendship. There is obviously a lot you didn't tell him about your family,and an awful lot he doesn't know about the world. I will write to him on occasion in the hope that some of the content will purculate through to you. Whether it does or not I gave fair warning that my correspondence is destined for publication.I recommended he read,'The Emotional Terrorist', he might be glad he did,the way you 'play',I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt. Both your mothers being counsellors doesn't qualify either or any of you. At least he tried to speak his mind, in that respect you could follow his example and record your view.I don't expect you to agree with my every word,but the longer the silence the more difficult you'll find it to relate objectively.
Pointless having to encrypt our historic common experience into fake games.
Where was I ? Who knows? Who cares?
A curiosity occurs to me . On the 20th October 2005 , Presumably when you were bimbling round Londinium or some such toxic architectural environmental mausoleum ,it was reported that a teapot was found on the steps of the library,maybe there was says I,no book however was found. Someone or no one was most disappointed,Now then Toby, I found reference to the item I was searching for in OUCH( a disability thing ), WHY should I find the reference there Toby.Have you been keeping a problem secret from your Dad? I asked your mother ,as none of you respond in a healthy human way,she took more than 45 seconds to respond and then only to ask why I was Asking, I guess she was trying to weigh up the potential advantange points.Impossible to get a caring response, human any way.
Of course I might be quite wrong about past references to specific frequency programming Toby ,But I'm not the only one that has worked out, has learned something about ,,or perhaps knows tons.I believe your mams head has been wiped that many times she can only guess or have an opinion of what she's doing in the immediate present,your unnatural closeness,to her ,with her bought M.A. book of cut out cliches is bound to leave gaps in your inner space you aren't the dominant in that domain.She claims that Anne-Sophie and I are Obsessed with the past, We might be if we remembered as little of our autonomous self determined lives as your mother and you seem to.of yours.
Our living experience is continuous so too our memory. We aren't enticed or seduced into programming boxes ,Naturally so .
Relate to your own memory of events Toby,you became intellectually awakened and creative beyond the idle mediocracy you had grown used to in Newport,you had all the symptoms of a puppet there.[ What was mountain girl doing ,following Your clues,anyway,they are all virtual red herrings.]
So son I'll keep writing,you may or may not be able to enlighten me, that is if we have a common definition.Your irrational behaviour as any dad would be prone to inquire,begs the question ,"who is pulling your strings?' and "DO they have security clearance?" Oh!And "are they private sector networks, independants,or sponsored by unmandatable discreditted faceless political ideologues ?" Just some of the notions that might go through the averagely well informed dad's mind given the obvious reduction in your practical life support intelligence.your debts are enormous,you don't seem quantifiably any better off for all your failed attempts at self promoting education.They have done your head little good .you are 26years of age Toby,I ask you, What kind of burned out mindless functionary are you planning to be when you grow up? I'll get back to you on the career advice thing, on a few others or many perhaps later.
I'll write a bit more about my apparent 'obsession with the past'. A title or heading,"Though my name be Mud". came to mind, a passable good one sez I,goes well with "Unfolding the future from the paradox of historic folly,"
So ,what do you think of a sick and disadvantaged man's efforts to support his people. I'm not talking about presently, I'm speaking of the Kilrush and the Tullycrine gardens. Tell me also of your impressions of Anne-Sophie's contribution.The evidence that we did any thing at all disappeared fast as soon as we stopped working there.Inchee did well enough, broke free of slavery and made an effort to become an independant man in his own right. The story behind that time needs recording,Our memory is good Toby how is yours? Were we just a gap filler? It looked that way at the time, looks even more so with hind sight.
You have trashed us at every available opportunity. We are not your virtual reality pawns Toby. We are people, not disposable user friendly commodities.
Nothing to do with your private delusion of Second Dot Comings,our lives are real.The mysterious time traveler, is a time waster, expensive too. I don't see much point in advertising in Timbuctoo,and Alpha Centuri if there is no economically sustainable ,and life supporting product, where you live, at home Toby.With your mam in Abercrave,Planet Earth. What your estranged threesome family calls a life is a cannibal.reliant solely on other peoples energy and talent for it's sustenance.Reliant too on other's suffering,tricks you learned at your mothers knee perhaps,or from your sister or may be you developed them all on your little ownsome,.Perhaps it's a little known BIG OUCH ! (a disability thing),as yet undisclosed,if it is then you'd best come clean, so too your mother and sister.
She claims that there is nothing wrong with you in such away as to cast suspicion on all three of you, she still tries to blame every problem that has beset your lives on me. that wont do at all.Neither will playing the part of an insurgent in an emotional terrorist plot.
You were definitely on some kind of "mission"when you got here.Top Secret I guess from the little you disclosed.You told me it took a whole day to find an internet cafe,one of the reasons you gave for your delay in getting here,you could have picked up a phone in under fifteen minutes,where's the sense?You looked like you had been thrown out for the rubbish collection,but had been refused because you hadn't been sorted.Vague stories about what you'd been up to.Chatter about falling out with your friend Tom over a lost stick,didn't ring true,I let it pass.I could see you weren't being honest,I am your father son for all my almost legendary failings.Mostly exaggerated in the telling by gossiping do-littles I might add.
The man who was driving,I forget his name,poor bloke must have been going up the wall.he did the right thing by returning to do his dissertation,the reason you were in college you reckoned was to try and get a qualification.I dare say he had similar notions. I hope you haven't disrupted his work too much .
It occurred to me that you are trying to imitate some fantastic notion of what your mother thought I was or am about, Toby that's all imaginary,she has no idea. My real life is beyond any of your threesome's experience.
Whilst you were here I gave you the telephone to find out what the state of play was in her initiative to honour our settlement agreement,I must say if I had known that you had wiped your head out with Tom on Psychedelic mushrooms I wouldn't have given you any responsible task,but you were maintaining the facade and feigned competence, I took you at face value.After a forty minute call you came down relating that as per our negotiated agreement,not the voidable ill gotten court order that I should feel assured,I would be receiving, in a matter of weeks. I was skeptical but accepted your trusted word.Fool I most certainly was.
By my faith Toby,I only have one reality, the datum line by which I guage all things visible and invisible and the principles by which I live my "Truth model", is indivisibly the common one.No mere unverifiable opinion is worthy of consideration unless it corroborates known or given truth. No Plausible complex data that is not supported and confirmed by truth imperical is allowed right of passage, "never believe a lie".I don't, As I have often said,"If you lie a little you die a little",You weren't behaving truly, is all I can say,your body language not quite on the level.Another maxim "almost true will not do."
I had a suspiscion that my head was perhaps being filled with bogus rubbish,that you may have been used as a conduit,to temporarily appease me.Your mother's darling protege perhaps was perceived to need a cover story whilst in what she would regard as the enemy camp. Truth reigns supreme here Toby.Why lie for anyone the real thjng works well there is only one it serves all without deference or distinction.It was like pulling teeth getting straight answers that make sense out of you and you weren't volunteering.In the parlance of the vernacular,"you were pissing me off." I naturally questioned you about many "mysteries" to which you were privy,by logic and reason initially,tripping you up. Me trying as usual to find the one thread of truth that would if pulled, unravel your deviancy.I wasn't pleasant,I ruffled your feathers a bit, I couldn't hit you hard Toby, the joints of my fingers hurt from arthritis, if I hadn't had to work so hard to get to the bottom of a lot of stuff your stay might have been pleasant,there is tons you have not yet told,you have lied for your mam too many times,it was the absolute limit when you told me that the story of the settlement agreement was just another story, implying that you also were trying to profiteer on my disadvantage.you didn't really come here to see us did you, you just needed a cheap stopover and dip your bread whilst your mams money came through.when you saw how much I'd done in the field here you said 'save some for me'.were you trying to take the piss son,what have you done that even amounts to as much as nearly nothing at home in Abercrave for your family for your self or for the up keep of the building.
the bIg Slap(a disabling thing),certainly hurt me,i couldn't get through to the triskabollox of whatever you use for sense , I have been running the gauntlet of your special little family's lying cheating and stealing conspiratorial games. Your Allen madness for thirty four years Toby,You will probably feel privately proud of the amount of injury hurt and insult and damage I've had to bear,You should have left the item that you brought to my first proper home in thirteen years(thank you),in your mothers shopping trolley,should have kept your collective lies to your self and encorporated them into one of your delusional fantasies. I dinged you with a stick twice you tell me it was the first time you have ever felt pain ,You all three know how to hurt others,a bit one sided is that, perhaps If you find it so hard to change direction ,so you don't rely on victims, losers,puppets,or what you like to call the collateral damage in your deviant amoral LIES,My publishing the whole unexpurgated story,up to date in every detail would be doing the unsuspecting world a favour..Maybe if you took some of the stick that the three of you have directly or by proxy given others, you wouldn'be so bloody insensitive.Do you remember me using the term BIG OUCH! Toby,to warn you as a child of impending potential danger of hurt,It must have worked too well.
Now is the time for the world to be concerned Toby. As your mother becomes less able to be the dominant personality in the home ,was she ever in my absence I have cause to doubt. Both Emma and you have already asserted influence over her that is most undesirable.
When you were here this time I tried to get you to speak of something you told me a while ago,I only mention because I know and ,naturally care. Like some mad Caesar,you said in quite a melodramatic way, "that house will stay in the Godden name ,FOREVER." As we spoke of it I turned over the implications,
you were agreeable with my analysis.You were speaking about you, not your mother not your sister,youve not earned one stone yet you lazy ligger,So you have been playing for your own pocket undermining any chance of a mutually agreeable settlement your mum would be Subject to your dominant control later. If I were her I'd make you leave you aren't safe to be with,I only shout objection in pain frustration or anger,You have some very scary sneaky stuff in you and you are just waiting your time. This will go some way as an introduction to the subject I will file this after sending both your mother and you a copy, as Emma never bothered to gain her full intellectual potential I will leave it to one or both to give her a clue,I will publish at a later date, others may be grateful for the warning.
My garden project is my prime occupation and the pending marriage to Anne-Sophie, in equal measure I might add. The incidental circumstance of your collective undue interference in our mutual lives over the years will never be forgotten, we don't do that. Emotional detachment is a great healer but it would not be desirable by any moral standard for your actions now to go unnoticed. Write back or not. You will ,without moral resolution and honourable equitable settlement, by my ethical standard,have to suffer in kind the fate you had previously designed for me. Justice will be served one way or another.
i will close this now, more soon under ABSENCE OF INTEGER,